Raising Boys (I HAD to post this one, it’s so true! Between my brothers, my sons and my sister’s twin boys I think we’ve covered these and more.) My comments in blue (BIG HUGS, Steph)
For those who have grown children – this is totally hysterical!
For those who have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas: Things I’ve learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):
1.) A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. (They thought the frame of the bed would hold the water and it would be an indoor swimming pool!)
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. (Haven’t had this one happen, but my youngest brother did find that rubbing alcohol ignites, and I have burn marks in my bathroom because of it.)
3.) A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. (OH this goes for boys and girls!)
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room. (My sister’s twins tried the first part… we won’t tell them about the paint, OK??)
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. (You tell me, does a ceiling fan look like a batting machine?)
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. (Yep, sis is always replacing windows because of the boys)
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it’s already too late. (My Mom lost many watches this way, and I got to be friends with a really nice plumber… yep hot wheels in the toilet again)
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. (OK another secret that MUST be kept)
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies. (Oh we won’t even go here, let’s just say the word "Pyro" is an oft used one)
10.) Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy. (Yep, but the ones stuck up his nose will have to be removed by a Doctor!)
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence. (The smell lasts forever)
12.) Super glue is forever. (Unless you really need it to work)
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water. (If we had, had a pool I’m sure they would have tried it.)
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.(Go figure!)
15.) Vcrs do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. (Yep, my son did this… they don’t eject GI Joe’s either)
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. (My brothers did this)
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. (No experience with this, thank goodness)
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is. (This is soooooo true!)
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens. (Always, always, you never know what you could find!)
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time. (Sounds about right)
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. (Even if you have dirt in there with them)
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy. (I don’t even want to think about this one. Their butts would be red!)
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. (Luckily none of my brothers or sons have ever hurt animals) (Lucky for them because I would have hurt THEM!)
24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid. (Come on, we all know, once a boy always a boy! LOL)
ATTITUDE (This one is for me cause my attitude has really stunk lately)
There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.
"Well," she said, "I think I’ll braid my hair today!" So she did and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.
"H-M-M, " she said, "I think I’ll part my hair down the middle today!" So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.
"Well," she said, "Today I’m going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn’t a single hair on her head.
"YEAH!" she exclaimed, "I don’t have to do my hair today!"
Attitude is everything.
Have a Good Day!
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of Battle.
04 Jun 2006 19 Comments