A trip to Walmart

It’s been one heck of a week and weekend. Since Thursday night I’ve been puked on, and been busy helping those who are doing the puking.

It seems that I’m not going to avoid the flu this time, and it’s my turn. I won’t be around for a few days.

I have a bucket by my bed, and I’ve threatened to make who ever bothers me, clean it!

Must be why no one is home!

Some where in France there is a stewardess who is enjoying her revenge…. (I’ll tell ya later)

It’s a "Rock Star" life I lead…






You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house:  Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever.  You are hot and sweaty–   Covered in dirt or paint.  You have your old work clothes on.  You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.


Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to WalMart to get something to help complete the job.


Depending on your age you might do the following:


In your 20’s:  Stop what you are doing.  Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes.  Check yourself in the mirror and flex.   Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane.  You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.


In your 30’s:  Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt.  

Change shoes.  You married the hot chick so no need for much else.  Wash your hands and comb your hair.  Check yourself in the mirror.  Still got it.   Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.  The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.


In your 40’s:  Stop what you are doing.  Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts.  Put on different shoes and a hat.  Wash your hands.  Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don’t want to waste any of it on a trip to WalMart.  Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.  The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter’s age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.


In your 50’s:  Stop what you are doing.  Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt.  Change shoes because you don’t want to get dirt in your new sports car.  Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.  The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it.  Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy’s bait shop and it says,

"I Got Worms ".

In your 60’s:  Stop what you are doing.  No need for a hat anymore.  Hose off the dog crap off your shoes.  The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50’s.  You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.  The girl running the register may be cute but you don’t have your glasses on so you are not sure.


In your 70’s:  Stop what you are doing.  Wait to go to WalMart until they have your prescriptions ready too.  Don’t’ even notice the dog crap on your shoes.  The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.


In your 80’s:  Stop what you are doing.  Start again.  Then stop again.  Now you remember that you needed to go to WalMart.  Go to WalMart and wonder around trying to think what it is you are looking for.  Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name.  The old lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.



13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Nooner™
    Sep 15, 2007 @ 18:14:28

    1. Get better fast. Dr. Nooner\’s orders!
    2. Meet me at Wal-Mart. Before I turn 80. lol 


  2. Litespreader
    Sep 15, 2007 @ 19:53:39

    Oh, Stephie.. I\’ll clean your bucket for ya.  Poor baby.Take good, gentle care of your self…  just as if you werecaring for one of your family, okay?  Promise?  I\’m fending off a bug right now.  Can\’t miss any work.  I likeyour song about \’felines, nothing more than felines…\’  😉


  3. R U Serious
    Sep 15, 2007 @ 22:10:02

    LMAO!!  You sure got the 50\’s and 60\’s right!!  Are you sick now or just planning ahead?!!   I have my firewall up so I don\’t catch it!!  Hope you and your crew feel better soon!!
    xoxo  Bob~


  4. Laoch
    Sep 16, 2007 @ 00:15:34

    This is so psychically upsetting that I am going to have to head over to Walmart.


  5. Yours Truly
    Sep 16, 2007 @ 09:03:02

    Hi Steph,
    Who\’s going to care for the kitties while you are ill?  I hope you feel better soon and it is only the change of temperature this time of year (I seem to catch a chill this time of year).  The Walmart list is hilarious.  But I think I\’ve only been in a Walmart once or twice. 
    By the way, I liked your idea of a dream house with an inner courtyard.  Put in some trees for your kitties to climb!


  6. Melissa
    Sep 16, 2007 @ 21:26:39

    Hello old friend! (not YOU old…old friend….ahh, forget it…) How are you? Great to see some of my OLD freinds are still here! I\’ve been MIA for WAAAAY too long! Hope you are well! Stop by and see me!One word…..no….3 words: I HATE WAL-MART…."nuff said.Melissa xxx


  7. Bryan
    Sep 16, 2007 @ 21:27:07

    I just go as is.  The Walmart near me has parking for tractors and a rail for horses.  I fit right in.Hey, I was perusing some of my archives and found a comment from you from over a year ago.  I clicked on the link.  Glad to see you\’re still here.


  8. Jade
    Sep 17, 2007 @ 07:40:39

    rest  and get better sweetie!!!


  9. Jess
    Sep 17, 2007 @ 09:14:43

    Oh Gawd that is one of my fave\’s !!
    I hope your bedrest is over soon ! Sleep as much as you can ! 


  10. Lee
    Sep 17, 2007 @ 12:48:07

    $1000 a month????? California here i come……..
    OMG that trip to WalMart made me laugh!!!! I am in the…ahem…40\’s bracket and that pretty much is me….big sweat shirt, holey sweat pants, more sucking than flexing….sigh…ok, now its NOT so funny….!!! 
    Priceless. Thanks for stopping by. Take care.


  11. Seth
    Sep 18, 2007 @ 19:34:52

    It\’s been a while since my last visit here to your space.  Aaargh!  So I am stopping by to try and catch up on what has been happening in your world.  Do I even want to know??  Bwhahaha!Sorry to hear that you are not feeling very well…
    Has a bad bug gotten hold of you,Making you feel queasy?You’re energy’s low, you’re indisposed,Being sick’s not easy!
    Just take this opportunityTo recuperate and rest,And then when you return to usYou’ll be your very best!
    …Take good care of you.


  12. DragonBoy
    Sep 19, 2007 @ 08:37:54

    AAAAAAAAARRRR… oooppss… **whispers** aaaaaaarrrrr….
    Just passing my to wish you a Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day…
    Hope you feel better soon…
    Cap\’n DB


  13. TheSpeedofLife
    Sep 19, 2007 @ 21:48:48

    ahoy mate sorry to hear ye is sick.  Hope you are feeling better soon 


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