Chubby Girls Make Better Lovers
It turns out Peter Paul Rubens, who idealized plump females in numerous Renaissance paintings, was right all along.
Although the Flemish painter’s fleshy forms may appear ludicrous to eyes accustomed to svelte modern ideals, Nobel Prize-winning scientist James Watson says Rubens was correct in choosing chubby women to epitomize femininity. Women who are well-rounded physically also have well-rounded characters, he says, and are better in bed than their slender counterparts.
It’s a chemical matter. Extra fat in the body boosts the production of endorphins — natural mood-enhancing chemicals — and also MSH, a hormone that boosts sexual desire.
Thinner people, on the other hand, have low levels of these chemicals in their systems, much to the detriment of their happiness — and love lives. "Who has ever heard of a happy supermodel?" Watson was quoted as saying in an article in the London Observer.
"Thin equals discontent. Content people have weight on them. That is why we hire thin people because they are discontent and will work harder. Heavier people are more mellow and less successful."
The theory backs up ancient stereotypes, such as the frequent pairing up of the adjectives "fat" and "jolly"; the paranoid Julius Caesar’s preference (at least in Shakespeare’s mind) for "men around me who are fat"; and literary references to lean-faced bluestockings, suffragettes and modern-day militant feminists.
It also might explain the motives of Rumanika, a 19th century Central African king, in keeping a harem of obese women. English explorers thought he was mad for having his wives force-fed milk to the point they could not stand upright. Now it appears he was just over-sexed.
Coming at a time when health experts say Americans are chubbier than ever, Watson’s revelations should come as good news. He already credits declining U.S. crime rates to increased obesity in America. Perhaps other changes in social mores are in store.
For example, since the theory applies equally to men, women who buy their husbands tight clothing to spur them to lose weight may instead get them clothing a few sizes too large. ("If you stuck to your diet, you’d be able to fit into them, dear.")
Music glorifying corpulent cuties might become popular. (A possible future standby: "Put Your Two Chins a Little Closer to the Phone.")
Who knows? Rubens-style paintings might experience another rebirth, while fat farms and diet businesses like Weight Watchers go the route of the eight-track tape.
That may be silly, but Watson is a serious scientist. A geneticist who was jointly responsible for discovering the structure of DNA, he also directed the successful human genome project. He paints a rather grim picture for the thin of this world.
"When you see two thin people together, you know they’ve got problems," was one of his comments.
Fortunately, though, all is not lost for those on the slender side of the spectrum.
Watson’s advice: Hit the beach. Production of MSH, the sexual desire hormone, also can be spurred by the sun.
"The people who are the hottest sexually are fat white people who are burning in the sun," he told the Observer.
"I now really look at fat couples in a totally different way."
So pass the suntan lotion … and the potato salad.