A little twisted humor for your day

Ok, I admit, I have a twisted sense of humor. This was an email sent from an old friend.
 
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply

  

pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and – presto –

  

the blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables

  

by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs about lifting the

  

toilet seat just by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers – simply cut yourself

  

and bleed for three  minutes, thus reducing the pressure

  

in your veins. Remember to use an egg timer.

5. A mousetrap placed on top of your alarm clock will

  

prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep
 
after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives.

  

Then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
 In life, you only need two tools – WD-40 and Duct Tape.

a. If it doesn’t move but should, use the WD-40.
b. If it should not move but does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10.Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Thought for the day:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES….. THEY ARE

  

NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING… BUT THEY

  

STILL BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU

  

PUSH THEM DOWN  FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

14 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jade
    Jan 12, 2007 @ 07:46:12

    hahaha! the last one is sick😀
    love it…. I hope you are doing well these days!!! 

    Reply

  2. Nooner™
    Jan 12, 2007 @ 09:35:44

    "by using the sink" … lol
    ~Nooner~

    Reply

  3. Bob
    Jan 12, 2007 @ 13:29:48

    Ahhhh    Words of wisdom !!  #8 is so true and so is the \’thought for the day\’!!  LOL
     
    xoxo   Bob~

    Reply

  4. Litespreader
    Jan 12, 2007 @ 16:04:26

     oh you!  i like the last three..  i wouldn\’t be very happy without duct tape and wd40!  the bathroom one is self-explanatory..
    and \’everyone seems normal..\’  oh, boy, do i know about that one!  of course, i\’m sure i fit that bill myself.  i can always
    come over here and get a refreshing perspective.  hope you have an outstanding weekend, steph!  love,t

    Reply

  5. Greg
    Jan 13, 2007 @ 10:09:32

    Phew!!! I\’m glad I don\’t have a cough or need laxatives.
    Have a peace filled weekend, Greg
    How is the little guy?

    Reply

  6. David
    Jan 13, 2007 @ 14:34:23

    Wow, do I know a lot of slinky-people or what?   On that number three; why is there always all that nonsense about men putting the toilet seat down?  Why isn\’t it the responsibility of women to put the seat back up?  I don\’t know how many seats I\’ve peed on because women don\’t perform this simple act of courtesy.  Then they are all like, "Eeewww!  Eeewww! I got my tushy wet!"  All because they went against nature. A simple moment of thought would point out that Nature itself designed men as easy-goers, sort of the fast-food restaurants of the human race.  Women already have to go thru all this long-line waiting and pants pulling down and so on; how much extra is it to put the seat up afterward?  They can think of themselves as the 5-star versions of the bathroom experience.  And returning the seat to the proper position is the dessert.  Jeez; finish the job.  And I have peed in the sink on occasion.  Also in the bathtub. 

    Reply

  7. KatSoup
    Jan 15, 2007 @ 20:26:20

    cheers to that!

    Reply

  8. Charlotte M Simonsen
    Jan 16, 2007 @ 17:46:42

    hahahaha… thanks for the chuckle… I needed that today… Hope all is well in your blogland… hugs, lottiemae

    Reply

  9. Jess
    Jan 17, 2007 @ 08:19:13

    I love that list ! wd-40 is just about one of the best inventions ever ! I use it alot ! lol
     
    Jess

    Reply

  10. Silver
    Jan 17, 2007 @ 13:40:37

    Hiya
     
    Just popping round for a catch up. Hope all is well with you?
     
    And I need to try number 5 on Friday..
     
    xx

    Reply

  11. KatSoup
    Jan 18, 2007 @ 15:24:10

    okay this time when I leave i\’m taking this entry with me.

    Reply

  12. Kadrin
    Jan 18, 2007 @ 16:27:52

    lol, too funny, hugs, Kat

    http://healingbranches.com/forum/index.phpA Soft Place to Fall, A Safe Place to Heal, A Great Place to Grow

    Reply

  13. Greg
    Jan 19, 2007 @ 08:24:13

    Looking for Kittycat?

    Reply

  14. meg
    Feb 16, 2007 @ 23:22:22

    ROTFLOL!!!  Thanks for the giggles.

    Reply

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