Ahhh Mothers (Happy Mother’s Day) part 2

Things I Learned From My Mother

1. My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me about RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me about LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that’s why."

5. My mother taught me about FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident."

6. My mother taught me about IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about."

7. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

8. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it."

9. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!"

10. My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

11. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

12. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do."

13. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

14. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

15. My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

16. My mother taught me about ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’ll be cold?"

17. My mother taught me about HUMOR.
"When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

18. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up."

19. My mother taught me about GENETICS.
"You’re just like your father."

20. My mother taught me about WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.

21. My mother taught me about SHARING.
" I’m going to give you a piece of my mind!"

22. My mother taught me about FEAR.
"One day you’ll have a child who’ll do the same things to you."


Me Mudder

When me prayers were poorly said
Who tucked me in me widdle bed
And spanked me till me arse was red,

Me Mudder!

Who took me from me cozy cot

And put me on the ice cold pot

And made me pee when I could not,

Me Mudder!

And when the morning light would come

And in me crib me dribbled some

Who wiped me tiny widdle bum,


Me Mudder!

Who would me hair so neatly part

And hug me gently to her heart

Who sometimes squeezed me till me fart,

Me Mudder!

Who looked at me with eyebrows knit
And nearly have a king size fit

When in me Sunday pants me shit

Me Mudder!

When at night her bed did squeak

Me raised me head to have a peak
Who yelled at me to go to sleep,

Me Fadder!


11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Cheryl
    May 14, 2006 @ 10:14:30

    loved this blog very cute
    hope you have a good day and thanks for the Mother\’s day wishes very sweet
    Hope your weekend is going good


  2. Harold
    May 14, 2006 @ 16:28:23

    Loved the blog…
               Keep up the great work !!


  3. Adam
    May 14, 2006 @ 21:15:06

    heehee cute ~smiles~.
    Yes, both moms got homemade Monk Bread ~smiles~, flowers and a card.  My wife made dinner; Chicken Cacciatorie and Sourdough Bread.  She made a Peach Cobbler from desert.  I don\’t care for cooked peaches so I had cherry pie ~smiles~.
    It was nice spending time with the families.  I can only tolerate so much of it though ~winks~.  My wife gets mad when I smoke pot around the family ~chuckles~.  I am too old to be catering to other\’s needs in my castle ~smiles~.  I don\’t smoke it around them, I will go out back or in another room and shut the door.  So, instead of making my wife mad I just dealt with the excruciating pain.  They are all about to leave ~chuckles~, and I am about to light up to kill some pain…ok back and I feel much better! ~smiles~.
    RAM is the probably the single most important factor for a computer.  Now days they have dual channel, so in my 3.2GHz I\’m working on will have 2.04GB of RAM.  Everything must be loaded into RAM before you can see it on your computer screen.  You can have a 3.0GHz Processor with a 512MB Graphics card, but if you only have 256MB – 512MB RAM you are going to be hating life because every single transaction has to go through RAM.  That is why it is so important to have a fast FBS(Front Side Bus), which is the speed of the processor to the RAM.  Right now 800MHz FBS is the standard.  Before dual channel RAM you had to wait for the first stick of RAM to be used and then on to the second, with Dual Channel RAM it loads up to RAM sticks at the same time, thereby increasing the speed of your computer X (SQUARED).
    This "Old Piece of Shit ~chuckles~" runs on single channel RAM with a 733MB CPU and a 133MHz FSB.  The funny thing is, when I bought this back in the Spring of 2001.  It was the top of the line.  Now I can\’t even play games on it ~chuckles~.  I guess that is what the Xbox is for ~smiles~.
    I am still in the battle.  I think I have won the war but only time will tell ~chuckles~.  Anything to keep from having to reformat!


  4. Jess
    May 15, 2006 @ 09:44:38

    Oh girl…that was fantabulous !!!
    I hope you had a great Mothers day…and are having a great Monday too !!


  5. Bob
    May 15, 2006 @ 14:43:00

    Very appropriate Mothers day blog!!  LMAO!!!!  I Loved it!!!!!
    xoxo    Bob~


  6. Indigo II
    May 16, 2006 @ 06:15:39

    (I seem to be hypnotized by the dancing buttocks) 😉
    I hope your mother\’s day was quite wonderful!


  7. KatSoup
    May 16, 2006 @ 20:48:56

    i stole the dancing butt!

    I joved this and its what makws me love you. Happy mudders day belated


  8. Allissa
    May 17, 2006 @ 03:57:40

    I\’m stealing this and sending to my mom.
    The dancing butt I believe could hypnotise me.


  9. _The_Gay_Dude
    May 17, 2006 @ 22:38:51



  10. David
    May 20, 2006 @ 15:53:56

    OK, that baby\’s moving butt is just disgusting – yet I am sure there are folk everywhere (you can find them on lists published on the net by outraged citizens) who will be VERY grateful.  And the poem brought a tear to me eye…


  11. Robina
    May 22, 2006 @ 14:49:39

    I love that list of things. I had that lamenated and put it in my fridge, but when I moved, it dissapeared!
    Great poem, too!


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