The Phone Call

I had a weird phone call the other night. I answered, … Me, Hello?
Old Man Voice, Yeah, this is your neighbor.
Me, I’m thinking, My neighbor?? The house next to me is empty, and most of the others behind or across the street are younger couples.
Me, My neighbor?
Old Man Voice, Yeah, this is your neighbor, you’ve been stealing my Newspaper and I’m tired of messin with you.
Me, My first thought is, this has to be a joke, and I’m trying hard not to laugh, but he’s so pissed off that I think ok, he’s serious.
Me, You have the wrong number, and, I don’t even like the local paper.
Old Man Voice, This is your neighbor, and every morning you’ve been stealing my paper. I want it back NOW!
Me, Ok, I’m sooooo tempted to say, "Come and get it, or, OH is that the newspaper we used for Toilet Paper?" But then I get a mental image of some of these local old guys, and I know damned well he’d show up on some poor person’s doorstep with a loaded rifle. So, I stifle the smartass comments. Since I do enjoy being perverse at times, I kept the conversation going.
Me, "You must have the wrong number."
Old Man Voice, This is your %$^#&(&#@ neighbor. You keep stealing my newspaper and I’m not gonna mess with you guys anymore. I want it back or I’m comin over there and kick your ass.
Me, You can’t be my neighbor, I don’t even have one.
Old Man Voice, (Louder this time, like that will make a difference) #^%$(^&(*&^%#@, I want my &^%$%$#* newspaper back NOW, or I’m comin over there and kick your &^%$## ass!
By this time I figured he’s worked up enough,  I really couldn’t say anything to him that wouldn’t endanger whoever his real neighbor was, plus I had stuff to do.
Me, (In my sweetest voice) You really do have the wrong number. If you would have actually listened to me in the first place, you would have realized that. Buh bye now!
How sad is my life that I can actually find a wrong number entertaining? (Sigh) BIG HUGS, Steph

6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. CravingNatureGirl
    Feb 24, 2006 @ 12:34:33

    That left me thinking…  did he really go over to his neighbors and give \’em heck for stealing his paper???  Yikes!  What a weirdo!
    Thanks for your comment to my blog…  you totally got me… I mean, yes, I feel like the worst mother on the entire planet 😦
    Thankfully, though, everyone is feeling so much better.  Only time will tell if the infection will develop into anything worse. 
    ((((Hugs))))  back to you!


  2. _The_Gay_Dude
    Feb 24, 2006 @ 20:03:22

    u big ol klepto LOL


  3. Nikki
    Feb 24, 2006 @ 20:28:22

    Now I am curious…..did the old man went over to get his newspaper back??  Could u just imagine the face of his real neighbours when he goes over there to demand for his newpapers?  Bet he would be screaming about ths phone call too….. 
    Have a good weekend!


  4. TexasMammie
    Feb 25, 2006 @ 15:14:05

    Wrong numbers – I love the good ones.
    I\’ve even been told a couple of secrets between the "Hello" and then "I\’m sorry, you have the wrong number".
    Once a guy called and asked, "How\’d you like to get 8 inches?"
    and I said, "It\’s going to snow?"
    and he said, "No. I\’m going to…" and then he hung up! I guess he didn\’t have a plan B.
    Very cute baby! And kitties!


  5. bren
    Feb 26, 2006 @ 04:00:56

    I think ya shoulda started talking steamy sex talk to him.


  6. David
    Feb 26, 2006 @ 05:05:45

    Gee all I get are constant calls for Samantha who owes a WHOLE lot of money and has been very naughty about paying it.   And I am NOT entertained.  I used to entertain myself by telling telemarketers that if they called again I would track them down and kill them.  But it turned out it was only really fun when I actually DID it, and I couldn\’t miss that much work…


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