Chapter 12, Verse 1, The Book of, Steph, a Woman from the West.

Yea upon this day, Steph, a woman from the west, did take her two fair and righteous daughters, and didst travel afar to do much shopping. They didst barter and haggle much, and yea they didst purchase much that was fine and pleasing unto the eye of this woman.
And it pleased her mightily. 
 For low, this woman, Steph, was in the midst of a most painful and heart wrenching trial, that which is called, a diet. Therefore she was wary of visiting her second son, at the place he doth tarry and labor for reward. Such a place was known as, "Louie’s" and was owned by a fine and noble family from the land of Italy, and didst produce many fine and wonderful morsels, known far and wide as, Italian food. She found herself near this establishment, and low, there came upon her a temptation, strong and mighty. Being of much years upon this earth, and of weak flesh (she did not have the strength of Greg, who says to his flesh, ‘down flesh’ and it obeyeth him), she did give into the temptation and did partake. Yea she did partake of a most tender and delicious Rib Eye Steak, with Gorgonzola and Garlic cream sauce. And she did say to the kind maiden who did serve her, yea, I am sorely put upon by this diet, but will bid thee to serve me the sauce on the side, and bringeth me a fine sweet and spicy steak sauce. And it came to pass that her daughters were served with the finest Fettucinni Alfredo, and she was served with the finest of Rib Eyes, but, being weak and giving in to the tempation did eat of it, all the veggies, most of the steak and yea even partook of the sauce. And she and her daughters did eat. Yea, so much that they did swell to near bursting.
When she did see what she had done, she did mourn and wail, "Whoa, whoa is me, for I have sinned most grievously". And she did hear her youngest utter, "I dare not eat another bite, for if I do, I shall surely be sick". And it brought the young maiden’s Mother low, for she hath seen the havoc she did wreak, and didst also know it was a long ride home and did not wish for there to be sickness within her carriage, so, the woman did rend her garments and didst moan and wail, for great was her suffering, and great was her guilt at breaking her covenant of "The Diet". She gathered her daughters to her and bade they all speedily return home. Upon the way out of this den of iniquity, she did spy most wonderous renderings, wonderful and delightsome to the eye, they were of desserts, and most fair. Gathering her strength, she did ignore these wonderful delights, and the knashing of teeth of her daughters, who upon seeing such, had decided that they were not indeed full but had left a small amount of room that would fit such delights, but, in this she stood firm and they did return home, and did proceed to look for the tums, but found instead, Lindt, dark chocolate truffles, and the Mother sayeth to them… awww what the heck, just one! (I’ll have to try harder tomorrow)  BIG HUGS, Steph

17 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Bob
    Jan 17, 2006 @ 00:08:41

    That was the funniest thing I ever read!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Have a chocolate!! LOL(Damn!! Rib Eye!!!)

    Reply

  2. David
    Jan 17, 2006 @ 05:35:23

    Alfredo – jeez – if you\’d been offered the apple in the garden, you wouldn\’t have left even a bite for Adam.

    Reply

  3. David
    Jan 17, 2006 @ 05:36:54

    Reminds me (I had to come back and say) of the Woman taken in Indulgery.

    Reply

  4. KatSoup
    Jan 17, 2006 @ 08:20:20

    I thought of you at the store. You OBVIOUSLY didnt think of me yesterday. I plugged your ass at my space. It is nice to spend time like that with your kids. My weakness is bread lately. Come on, Chin up. Today is a new day.

    Reply

  5. Greg
    Jan 17, 2006 @ 09:07:07

    Oh my…Can I see the utter joy and fulfillment flowing from that restaurant table. Hopefully you were not doing the Meg Ryan scene…”When Harry Met Sally”?Hey…Could I get this entry in NKJ or NIV? I always struggled with Old King James. What can I say…"I speak like peasant and spell like one too?"Too funny Kitty Cat….Meow!!!!

    Reply

  6. Gina
    Jan 17, 2006 @ 10:10:25

    yum…Lindt chocolate…Louie\’s must be the new forbidden fruit. well, not exactly fruit, maybe forbidden carbs.

    Reply

  7. Jess
    Jan 17, 2006 @ 10:19:41

    Aww damn Italian restaraunts ! Get ya everydamn time !I would fail miserably at a no/low carb diet….I tell people I really love that "I love them more than bread"……so they know I really love them ! lmfaoJessxoxo

    Reply

  8. Litespreader
    Jan 17, 2006 @ 12:05:44

    oh steph.. this is so funny. well done, my child. it doesn\’t soundlike you\’re beating yourself up for it, and that\’s a great thing in itself.you do what you can do, and then you do better. that\’s it. it soundslike you had a good time with your kids. that\’s it too. i love good food!!!

    Reply

  9. The Rooster
    Jan 17, 2006 @ 12:55:07

    lolThe Rooster

    Reply

  10. TexasMammie
    Jan 17, 2006 @ 16:27:58

    How funny! It certainly made me hungry. Alas…that\’s not the song. I know that song, it\’s a Motown number, right? I like it. In fact, Motown is my favorite type of music. I just realized how I got this song in my subconscious. On TV, they play this song while advertising Nicholas Cage\’s new movie, Lord of War. But it\’s not listed on the soundtrack as far as I can tell.Sohia or Gina, huh? With good looks like that, I hope you didn\’t waste too much of your youth on chastity. If I had known then what I know now……not really.Take care~dana

    Reply

  11. Greg
    Jan 17, 2006 @ 18:46:51

    What\’s for supper?Me…I just had my boneless, skinless, chicken breasts with broccoli drizzled in just a dash of olive oil.Now…JR is setting next to me eating ice cream. Control brother!!!Hey…I hear there is a mad dash to that Italian restaurant for that Kitty Cat plate…

    Reply

  12. bren
    Jan 17, 2006 @ 20:58:57

    LMAO! " Gorgonzola and Garlic cream sauce" <—- I\’ve never heard of this ??but good lord girl — I\’m pretty sure I drooled on my keyboard when I read it.damn! I need a recipe for that

    Reply

  13. Greg
    Jan 17, 2006 @ 21:04:07

    OK…Kitty Cat…I\’m back, I\’m tired…But, no sleep yet for this guy. I have to wait for Jade\’s call to get picked up from work. She was supposed to be done after I picked up Emma from her “Pirates of Penzanz” practice at 9:00. Oh well…Dad\’s taxi…24/7. OK…the main reason I came back…Tuna question.“Starkist” has these flavor fresh pouches now…different flavors and they even have fillets. Tastes pretty good I might add. Yep…It’s going to take exercise. I\’m on a mission to get whole again. Its Gods will you know…I wish (I am going) to run again. I loved to run…It was my get away. Appreciate your fellowship and humor.Greg

    Reply

  14. TQ
    Jan 18, 2006 @ 00:20:22

    At least I\’m not the only who hates milk, I think it\’s commintment that scares me! But, Thank you for your re-assuring words – even though I opt for the xanex instead of the milk😦 … I love your blog, and thank you so much for reading my crazy antics! You are an amazing writer I love to read your blog! I know I\’m not alone in the insomnia\’s of the world!

    Reply

  15. Jenn
    Jan 18, 2006 @ 06:15:06

    What is worse…the chocolate donut or the steak? I think the steak qualifies as one of the food groups, the donut…..not so much. Good luck with the diet. Next week will be better for the both of us. I can feel it!

    Reply

  16. Jess
    Jan 18, 2006 @ 08:31:38

    LMAO—yeah mine said "a cheerful sprite"…I think they haev some kinks to work out lmfao.Oh and I think I\’ll have one of that man in the picture please……Jessxoxo

    Reply

  17. Jim
    Jan 18, 2006 @ 10:22:22

    Hey things have been good for you, and the crowds are howling for more. Cho Co late, Cho Co late. But you know how I like mine, but what about the truck driver?Jim

    Reply

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